I love people who can speak well and communicate clearly. They scale the brick walls of troublesome discussions with ease. Or, at least they make it look that way. I discovered Jefferson Fisher (https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher/?hl=en) some time ago, as he was beginning his short bursts of insight surrounding everything from boundaries to gaslighting. He truly is a well-spoken man.
I ran across Jefferson when I was looking for references on gaslighting. He’s friendly, well-spoken as I said, and direct. He has taught me, and countless others, how to be more direct and clear in our communication. Let me pass along a sample of his work:
Ever noticed how unspoken expectations often lead to letdowns? Let’s change that. Here’s how to effectively communicate your expectations:
1: Say your expectations out loud.
Keeping your expectations in your head? Prepare for disappointment.
Express them clearly and verbally.
2: Highlight the positive.
Focus on the good that comes from meeting expectations. Swap, “I expect you not to be late” with “Arriving on time helps us start better.” It’s about painting a picture of the positive outcomes.
You’re still giving expectations. You’re just showing them the positive behavior that results from it.
3: Use language that shows a mutual interest or support.
Don’t say “I expect you to…,” which makes it sound like you’re up here and they’re down here.
Instead, say, “I would love for us to be,” “I want for you to,” or “I believe that you can.”
Pro tip: All these expectations have to come from a genuine place. Because an expectation given in anger is just going to turn into resentment.
Jefferson Fisher, email post, 16 April 2024.
While he’s a lawyer, his advice is really spot on. He’s also currently writing a book, and his website has a place to sign up for his weekly (sometimes more) writings. They are short, like the one above, and I highly recommend them. You may not agree with or use everything he sends, but he’s solid. Good advice for difficult conversations. I highly recommend him. His website can be found here: https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/
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