Boundaries: What Do You Value?

I’ve been obsessed with boundaries and values lately. Boundaries are “territorial divisions.” I think they are also emotional, psychological, and even spiritual divisions which are the limits to which we are able to act. I will say I’m generally against divisiveness and separation. In fact, I tend to think that separation is one of the things that is affecting our American society more and more. (Probably a discussion for a different blog in a different genre.) In this, however, I think understanding boundaries are necessary in our current human experience, and one which need to really think about.

What is a Boundary?

When I think about boundaries, I think about the “limits” to which we go to show our lack of division. Yet, we still have to function as individuals. Instead of learning to be our unique, snowflake individual selves, we need to learn that AND how to integrate it with society or community. One of the oldest axioms is ‘Nosce te Ipsum,” or Know Thyself. This isn’t the superficial, egoic knowledge but the deep, life’s purpose learning of who we are, and what we are meant to do.

Many people get called to leadership and some are thrust into it. In either case, most people who are just entering leadership don’t really know themselves. They know they like chocolate cake and forests and swimming in the ocean. That’s not the knowledge of which I speak. What I am focusing on is the knowledge of what trips you up: what are you working on. internally, what brings you to meditate or exercise, are you frenetic or mellow by nature, and how does that affect your colleagues and teammates? There are many questions here that most people don’t think about.

You Secure what you Value

You can’t set a boundary until you actually know what you’re enclosing. Or what you’re keeping out. Boundaries and values. I think we tend to think about a boundary as “keep out.” Really, it should start with keeping things “in.” Think about a farm – fences (boundaries) are as much about keeping things in as much as keeping things out. When I speak about keeping things in, I’m speaking about values. You can’t set a boundary until you know what you value and cherish. What is important to you, what makes up your character? What would it look like if you lost those values? You want to set boundaries around those things and keep them safe and sacred.

Boundaries are of all types – physical, emotional, time, or workplace. They generally are set to protect the core of who we are. Boundaries and values are not trivial. It’s clear that one should know, or think about, their boundaries before they have to use them. We can be surprised when someone crosses a boundary. We become stressed not knowing how to deal with lines being crossed. Sometimes, we’re not even aware a boundary has been crossed until we are exhausted, anxious, or stressed.

After You Set Boundaries, What’s Next?

There’s far too much to go into here to talk about the rest of setting and keeping boundaries. For now, the first step is to understand what you value, what makes you, you. Once you do that, you can take steps to keep these values in the forefront of your mind. When someone crosses the boundary, much like a farm, you can determine what you want to do about it. I hope you wouldn’t shoot them for trying to impose weekend work on you, but bosses and leaders who tread across your boundaries should be dealt with thought and consciousness.

There are many resources to deal with knowing our boundaries, setting them, and dealing with the outcomes should people cross them. Want to know more? Contact me, and let’s talk! I have a lot of resources to address boundary setting and securing them in a positive way. I would love to share them with you!