Confident Leader

I walked into the large conference room at the Bellagio in Las Vegas as the afternoon sun streamed through the chandeliers in the hallway. Glints of rainbows danced on the wildly-designed carpet, and the drone of the small talk of a few hundred people swirled around me. Slot machine bells could be heard in the distance. I was barely 30 years old, a new manager at a newly-acquired company, and I had knowingly entered the viper’s nest. I was terrified, and decidedly not a Confident Leader.

As the head of one of my company’s product support teams, I was responsible for the length, breadth, and depth of these client’s outages due to our software. These were customers who ran railroad systems, global entertainment networks, amusement parks, bottling plants, airline ticketing systems, and a host of other everyday systems that were used globally by millions of people. When they went down, my entire management hierarchy felt the pain. Millions felt the pain.

The team I had taken over was almost an afterthought on the new company’s radar: the product was kludgy, buggy, and inelegant. I heard it all in the few months I had been sitting in that leadership chair. My team were new, inexperienced, but technically sound, and gutsy. We didn’t know each other, and walking into that customer conference, I didn’t know if I could make good on any claims I had.

The Source of Confidence

This was my third time in the leadership chair, and after bouts of fear and a huge lack of confidence, I decided to try again; this time, I tried it with my own voice. Granted, I had no idea what my “voice” was, just like I wasn’t sure if my confident presentation could be delivered upon. But, I knew what I was correcting processes, figuring out the team’s structure, and how I would be partnering with engineering and sales to improve all aspects of the customer experience. It was a long journey I had planned and I had to bring these appropriately-angry clients with me. How would I get them to board the train? These fifty customers, and various colleagues across the company, had come to either roast me, pay their respects, or listen intently.

Yes, I was terrified, but I had confidence. What gave me that confidence?

It was many things, but the first was the perspective of my abilities, of my values, and my authenticity. I had decided this time I would lead with my voice, not that of my past bosses. This would be done my way and as best as I could do it. It had taken time to learn the team’s strengths and challenges as well as my own. I was far, far from good but I had a desire to learn. Or, at least, to be the best leader I could be. I walked into that room and took my place at the front of it. Eyes on me. I had no idea what I was going to say. But… I knew that it would be from me: my values and my desire to instill confidence in my abilities. Well, if not confidence, at least a sense of hope.

The Crucible

I looked around that room and saw people standing against the walls, sitting in chairs, waiting for me to speak. What did I present? No idea. I have no idea if it was even good. I know, though, I delivered it with my sense of commitment to my team. After I finished fielding the seemingly endless questions, I remember my time being up and someone stating it was lunch. I survived and kept composure. Time to breathe again.

As I watched the people filing out, some were smiling, others nodding. One of the harshest skeptics, the CIO of a Danish Brewery, came up to me and shook my hand. “Let’s see, let’s see…” he said, and he turned and walked out. It was the best I could hope for. Relief began to fill my stomach. My new boss came up to me afterward and said “well-done,” No more, no less. I didn’t realize it then but this was the very first step on a very long journey.

My Why

Why am I a leadership coach? I believe everyone who wants to be a leader does have to find their crucible. It’s the starting point from which all leaders journey. Once you’ve been through that, regardless if you manage people or lead functional teams, you need to find a mentor. This guide on the side can talk you through situations and ease you into your own voice, your own presence. They allow you space to discover and uncover the lamp of doubt so you can shine. This is why I love coaching, why I want to be of service to others. This is why I coach, and why I created my coaching program.

Someone asked me, not long ago after I had become a full-time coach, what was my story? This was my crucible. I would love to hear yours. And my call to action is this: if you need that guide, set up time with me. I may not be the guide you need. However, if you want to continue your leadership journey, let’s develop your unique strategy.